Parenting Tips

Discovering your child has a special need can sometimes feel like being in the middle of the dry Red Sea when the waves come crashing down.  For most people their lives will never be the same again.  The special needs child can affect the dynamics between spouses, siblings and even the community outside the home.  Although the mountain may seem impossibly high, it can be climbed.

Remember that you are not the first in this situation.  Find a support system, through your doctor or hospital.  These are the people who most understand your situation and can help you work through them with the greatest knowledge and wisdom.  Keeping yourself at peace is the first step to being the best parent you can for your special needs child.

Research the problems through all the books in your library and all the information you can find online.  Ask your healthcare providers to give you information about the diagnosis and the treatments. You will want to know as much as you can so that you can communicate comfortably with the health professionals. 

Don’t let the situation overwhelm you. Remember that there are some things that you can change and some that you can’t and you should focus on those things that you can change.

Look for community services and activities for your child.  It is important that they feel as normal as possible.  Activities with other children or programs to help them cope with their special needs can be the best thing for their healing momentum and also their acceptance of the special needs.

Share openly with family and friends about the situation.  Some people will react by drawing closer but some may pull away as well.  Getting things out in the open will help the people closest to you adjust to the situation.

If it is possible, you will want to set aside some time to talk with your special needs child.  As they grow older, they may want some say in their care or programs.  Establishing a line of communications will make it easier for them to share problems and concerns in the future.

Be willing to ask for help. The best thing that you can do to parent your special needs child is to stay well yourself. If you need help then you should ask for help. Remember that no one outside your mind will know what you need or want if you aren’t willing to tell them.

After all is said and done, parenting a special needs child is not all that different from parenting any child. Give them love, show them a positive life example and make them a priority over things. The basics are the best elements for raising a joyful child even if there are special needs involved as well.

It may seem like a scary leap to homeschool your children, but if you are spending time with your children at all then you are likely homeschooling them already. Every day is an opportunity to teach your children – about life, about manners, about finances or about whatever may come up in conversation.

Homeschooling is really more about education at home than anything else. You and your child have the opportunity to direct the educational focus towards events or activities that are of most interest. You can also focus on subjects that need the most attention (instead of concentrating on preparing for a national test).

The reasons that families choose to homeschool their children are almost as diverse as the children that are being homeschooled. If you are considering the homeschool alternative then there are few things you should consider before you take the plunge.

1. Time – Although homeschool can consist of self-directed programs, it is still important that you have the time to invest in assisting the learning process, checking the work and the progress and also researching and reviewing future curriculum choices.

2. Money – It is possible to homeschool for no money at all. You can use the internet and the public library to create a curriculum for your child (but this will require a larger dedication of time than using a pre-formed curriculum). You will still be paying out of pocket for extra-curricular activities and the government does not give any tax relief to families that choose to homeschool.

3. Space – It is best to have a dedicated space for doing your school time and especially for storing the curriculum and even the completed work. It is even better if you can also have a space for crafts, science experiments or other projects so that they can be left out for continuous work without concern of them being disturbed or disrupted.

4. Resources – Every community will be different when it comes to support groups, field trips and group activities that are available. Do some research to see what kinds of resources are available in your area. It might also help to find out the number of homeschool families (or individuals) in your area. If there are no current activities then you might be able to start some up once you begin homeschooling.

5. Temperament – Not everyone is cut out to homeschool. If you have the patience to work with your children in the garden, in the workshop or in the kitchen then you will likely have the patience to work with them with a curriculum.

6. Flexibility – While it is not a requirement to be flexible, it is likely to make your homeschool experience much more enjoyable for you and for the children. Accept that things will not always go as planned and adjust your class plans accordingly.

Your homeschooling experience will be all about what you are willing to put into it. If you are prepared to invest in homeschooling, then it is likely the best choice for you and for your child.

Today’s children have some things so much easier than we did when we were children. However, they may be at a distinct disadvantage because they don’t have the benefit of having to use their imagination, due to the technology and variety of toys available to them. Psychologists and child development experts, however, know the importance of imaginative play in how a child grows and matures.

Imaginative play is the foundation of learning. When a child plays, they begin to establish patterns of communication with others; they learn to cooperate, they develop creativity, and they begin to learn how to solve problems. There is so much that imaginative play can do for a child.

Unfortunately, many toy manufacturers are making toys that take little imagination to play with. Or the children spend their time in front of computer or television screens, rather than being creative and using that all-important imagination.

When a child uses their imagination in play, they are being creative – not just in play, but this creativity will help them throughout their lives. They may see a new solution to a problem in the future that may escape others. They may invent a piece of equipment or process for manufacturing that will revolutionize society. Creative minds – those that are given the opportunity to thrive in free, imaginative play – are those that will find the cures for diseases, new ways to help combat global warming, or develop new modes of transportation.

How can we, as parents, encourage this important task of imaginative play? Here are a few things we can do:

* Buy toys that can be played with in more than one way – building blocks, food items, and dolls often fit this description.

* Create a specific place in your home where children can be safe.

* Limit the amount of time your children have with technology – televisions, computers, video games – especially while they are young and just developing their imaginative “muscles”.

* If at all possible, allow your child plenty of time to play in their imaginary world. Don’t interrupt them unless you have to.

* Let your child play outside as much as possible. If they are outside, they aren’t bombarded with commercials or technology telling them how to play with certain items.

Imaginative play does so much for a child as they grow. It helps them learn social skills such as taking turns, sharing, cooperation, and playing by the rules. It also gives your child a chance to express emotions, as well as how to empathize with others. Imaginative play helps your child adapt to changes that happen in their lives.

The importance of imaginative play can’t be taken lightly. Take the opportunity to play with your child. You may be surprised to find that not only do you help your child, but you may just re-establish your own sense of creativity in the process.

Children with special needs can be trying on any adult.  Having a sibling with special needs can be devastating to children.  Often parents and adults try to keep them protected from the situation, which usually only makes the children feel isolated. The age of the healthy sibling can make the situation even more complicated – particularly if they are in that “I and Now” stage.

It can also be scary for children with siblings who are often in the hospital or have to have special tubes or shots.  Keeping the child without the special needs content can be like juggling rubber balls – things can get chaotic, but even if they drop they won’t break. Here are some tips on how to help a child with a special needs sibling:

1. Make special time for the healthy sibling on a daily basis.  Have a sitter that comes to be with the special needs child or take turns with the other adults in the children’s lives.  Everyone wants to feel important and like they are the center of attention.  The special time will also give you and the child a chance to talk without concern of interruptions.

2. Keep everything out in the open.  Children have a magic sense that tells them when there is trouble.  If you try to hide a bad diagnosis or situation, they will figure it out – or make it worse by creating the scenario they THINK is going on.

3. Keep information age appropriate.  Communicate on the child’s level as much as possible.  See if the doctor or hospital may have age-appropriate books or information sheets.  If they don’t then you might be able to find some information over the internet.

4. The younger the healthy sibling then the harder it will be for them to understand the need to spend so much time and energy caring for the special needs sibling.  Find creative ways of helping them cope.  Give them a job to help with the care.  Give them a patient of their own (in the form of a stuffed animal or doll).  Help them feel as much a part of the situation as you possibly can.

5. Give the healthy sibling a chance to talk with the doctor or health professional if they want to. They may have questions or concerns that can only be answered by the doctor, and taking the time to let them ask the questions will help them feel more included.

6. Encourage the healthy siblings to strive and achieve all that they desire. Support their games and activities by ensuring that you or another supporting adult are present at all the events (rotate out who attends if necessary). The last thing you want is for the healthy child to feel guilty about his or her success.

It is a strain on anyone who is caring for a special needs child. The healthy children in the family can also feel the pressure. By (at least) occasionally putting the focus on the lives and needs of the healthy siblings, you will help them feel more included in the home life of the rest of the family.

Good manners are one of the keys to success – no matter what field you may be entering. Good manners will help with developing relationships, maintaining accounts or building up a business. You will find that good manners can open doors that have remained shut tight to others. It is important that children learn good manners at an early age so that they can use them to help propel them through life.

There are a number of factors that have reduced the manners of today’s society. Technology is one of the reasons. Internet, text messaging and even the cell phone have all worked to reduce the amount of good manners used in communications. Technology has also virtually eliminated common good manners practices like thank-you notes.

Fortunately, good manners are still finding their way into society. “Blast from the Past” was a movie whose main character was all about good manners. When discussing his manners with other characters, he said that it was all about making the people around you feel comfortable.

Good manners should help the people around you feel more comfortable and respected. Teaching children good manners is not difficult. It may just take some time and plenty of consistency. Follow these tips and you can’t go wrong:

1. Practice what you preach. Children learn more from our actions than they do from our words. Use good manners yourself. Whether you are answering the phone or dealing with a checker at the grocery store, you should use “please”, “thank you”, and other phrases that show respect for the people you are talking with.

2. Be repetitive when teaching good manners. Repeat the phrases as many times as it takes. It is amazing how quickly toddlers can pick up the phrases if they are used to using them on a regular basis.

3. Watch and listen to examples that show good manners. Some television programs have children that are respectful and polite to the people around them. Let these be the family shows of choice.

4. Have regular “good manners” lessons. Teach table etiquette, writing thank-you notes and proper introductions. If you aren’t sure how to teach these elements, then check the internet or even the phone book for schools that teach good manners to children of all ages.

5. Give the children a chance to practice what they have learned. Let them answer the phone. Take them out to dinner at a fancy, sit-down restaurant (check the menu beforehand for children-friendly choices). Introduce them to adults that you may speak to while you are out together.

Learning good manners is something that will help anyone at any stage in their lives. Teaching children good manners is probably the best way to help them with all their future endeavors.