Remember that you are not the first in this situation.  Find a support system, through your doctor or hospital.  These are the people who most understand your situation and can help you work through them with the greatest knowledge and wisdom.  Keeping yourself at peace is the first step to being the best parent you can for your special needs child.

Research the problems through all the books in your library and all the information you can find online.  Ask your healthcare providers to give you information about the diagnosis and the treatments. You will want to know as much as you can so that you can communicate comfortably with the health professionals. 

Don’t let the situation overwhelm you. Remember that there are some things that you can change and some that you can’t and you should focus on those things that you can change.

Look for community services and activities for your child.  It is important that they feel as normal as possible.  Activities with other children or programs to help them cope with their special needs can be the best thing for their healing momentum and also their acceptance of the special needs.

Share openly with family and friends about the situation.  Some people will react by drawing closer but some may pull away as well.  Getting things out in the open will help the people closest to you adjust to the situation.

If it is possible, you will want to set aside some time to talk with your special needs child.  As they grow older, they may want some say in their care or programs.  Establishing a line of communications will make it easier for them to share problems and concerns in the future.

Be willing to ask for help. The best thing that you can do to parent your special needs child is to stay well yourself. If you need help then you should ask for help. Remember that no one outside your mind will know what you need or want if you aren’t willing to tell them.

After all is said and done, parenting a special needs child is not all that different from parenting any child. Give them love, show them a positive life example and make them a priority over things. The basics are the best elements for raising a joyful child even if there are special needs involved as well.

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Homeschooling is really more about education at home than anything else. You and your child have the opportunity to direct the educational focus towards events or activities that are of most interest. You can also focus on subjects that need the most attention (instead of concentrating on preparing for a national test).

The reasons that families choose to homeschool their children are almost as diverse as the children that are being homeschooled. If you are considering the homeschool alternative then there are few things you should consider before you take the plunge.

1. Time – Although homeschool can consist of self-directed programs, it is still important that you have the time to invest in assisting the learning process, checking the work and the progress and also researching and reviewing future curriculum choices.

2. Money – It is possible to homeschool for no money at all. You can use the internet and the public library to create a curriculum for your child (but this will require a larger dedication of time than using a pre-formed curriculum). You will still be paying out of pocket for extra-curricular activities and the government does not give any tax relief to families that choose to homeschool.

3. Space – It is best to have a dedicated space for doing your school time and especially for storing the curriculum and even the completed work. It is even better if you can also have a space for crafts, science experiments or other projects so that they can be left out for continuous work without concern of them being disturbed or disrupted.

4. Resources – Every community will be different when it comes to support groups, field trips and group activities that are available. Do some research to see what kinds of resources are available in your area. It might also help to find out the number of homeschool families (or individuals) in your area. If there are no current activities then you might be able to start some up once you begin homeschooling.

5. Temperament – Not everyone is cut out to homeschool. If you have the patience to work with your children in the garden, in the workshop or in the kitchen then you will likely have the patience to work with them with a curriculum.

6. Flexibility – While it is not a requirement to be flexible, it is likely to make your homeschool experience much more enjoyable for you and for the children. Accept that things will not always go as planned and adjust your class plans accordingly.

Your homeschooling experience will be all about what you are willing to put into it. If you are prepared to invest in homeschooling, then it is likely the best choice for you and for your child.

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Imaginative play is the foundation of learning. When a child plays, they begin to establish patterns of communication with others; they learn to cooperate, they develop creativity, and they begin to learn how to solve problems. There is so much that imaginative play can do for a child.

Unfortunately, many toy manufacturers are making toys that take little imagination to play with. Or the children spend their time in front of computer or television screens, rather than being creative and using that all-important imagination.

When a child uses their imagination in play, they are being creative – not just in play, but this creativity will help them throughout their lives. They may see a new solution to a problem in the future that may escape others. They may invent a piece of equipment or process for manufacturing that will revolutionize society. Creative minds – those that are given the opportunity to thrive in free, imaginative play – are those that will find the cures for diseases, new ways to help combat global warming, or develop new modes of transportation.

How can we, as parents, encourage this important task of imaginative play? Here are a few things we can do:

* Buy toys that can be played with in more than one way – building blocks, food items, and dolls often fit this description.

* Create a specific place in your home where children can be safe.

* Limit the amount of time your children have with technology – televisions, computers, video games – especially while they are young and just developing their imaginative “muscles”.

* If at all possible, allow your child plenty of time to play in their imaginary world. Don’t interrupt them unless you have to.

* Let your child play outside as much as possible. If they are outside, they aren’t bombarded with commercials or technology telling them how to play with certain items.

Imaginative play does so much for a child as they grow. It helps them learn social skills such as taking turns, sharing, cooperation, and playing by the rules. It also gives your child a chance to express emotions, as well as how to empathize with others. Imaginative play helps your child adapt to changes that happen in their lives.

The importance of imaginative play can’t be taken lightly. Take the opportunity to play with your child. You may be surprised to find that not only do you help your child, but you may just re-establish your own sense of creativity in the process.

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It can also be scary for children with siblings who are often in the hospital or have to have special tubes or shots.  Keeping the child without the special needs content can be like juggling rubber balls – things can get chaotic, but even if they drop they won’t break. Here are some tips on how to help a child with a special needs sibling:

1. Make special time for the healthy sibling on a daily basis.  Have a sitter that comes to be with the special needs child or take turns with the other adults in the children’s lives.  Everyone wants to feel important and like they are the center of attention.  The special time will also give you and the child a chance to talk without concern of interruptions.

2. Keep everything out in the open.  Children have a magic sense that tells them when there is trouble.  If you try to hide a bad diagnosis or situation, they will figure it out – or make it worse by creating the scenario they THINK is going on.

3. Keep information age appropriate.  Communicate on the child’s level as much as possible.  See if the doctor or hospital may have age-appropriate books or information sheets.  If they don’t then you might be able to find some information over the internet.

4. The younger the healthy sibling then the harder it will be for them to understand the need to spend so much time and energy caring for the special needs sibling.  Find creative ways of helping them cope.  Give them a job to help with the care.  Give them a patient of their own (in the form of a stuffed animal or doll).  Help them feel as much a part of the situation as you possibly can.

5. Give the healthy sibling a chance to talk with the doctor or health professional if they want to. They may have questions or concerns that can only be answered by the doctor, and taking the time to let them ask the questions will help them feel more included.

6. Encourage the healthy siblings to strive and achieve all that they desire. Support their games and activities by ensuring that you or another supporting adult are present at all the events (rotate out who attends if necessary). The last thing you want is for the healthy child to feel guilty about his or her success.

It is a strain on anyone who is caring for a special needs child. The healthy children in the family can also feel the pressure. By (at least) occasionally putting the focus on the lives and needs of the healthy siblings, you will help them feel more included in the home life of the rest of the family.

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There are a number of factors that have reduced the manners of today’s society. Technology is one of the reasons. Internet, text messaging and even the cell phone have all worked to reduce the amount of good manners used in communications. Technology has also virtually eliminated common good manners practices like thank-you notes.

Fortunately, good manners are still finding their way into society. “Blast from the Past” was a movie whose main character was all about good manners. When discussing his manners with other characters, he said that it was all about making the people around you feel comfortable.

Good manners should help the people around you feel more comfortable and respected. Teaching children good manners is not difficult. It may just take some time and plenty of consistency. Follow these tips and you can’t go wrong:

1. Practice what you preach. Children learn more from our actions than they do from our words. Use good manners yourself. Whether you are answering the phone or dealing with a checker at the grocery store, you should use “please”, “thank you”, and other phrases that show respect for the people you are talking with.

2. Be repetitive when teaching good manners. Repeat the phrases as many times as it takes. It is amazing how quickly toddlers can pick up the phrases if they are used to using them on a regular basis.

3. Watch and listen to examples that show good manners. Some television programs have children that are respectful and polite to the people around them. Let these be the family shows of choice.

4. Have regular “good manners” lessons. Teach table etiquette, writing thank-you notes and proper introductions. If you aren’t sure how to teach these elements, then check the internet or even the phone book for schools that teach good manners to children of all ages.

5. Give the children a chance to practice what they have learned. Let them answer the phone. Take them out to dinner at a fancy, sit-down restaurant (check the menu beforehand for children-friendly choices). Introduce them to adults that you may speak to while you are out together.

Learning good manners is something that will help anyone at any stage in their lives. Teaching children good manners is probably the best way to help them with all their future endeavors.

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Instead of spending the hours before bedtime or first thing in the morning struggling over the toothbrush, try to ease the battle by making the experience a fun and inviting one for kid and parent alike. Here are some good tips to help make things easier:

1. Brush your teeth at the same time as the child brushes his. Let him stand on a stool next to you and mimic what you do. Sometimes being grown up like mom and dad is all it takes to get the child to brush his teeth without a battle.

2. Invest in a toothbrush that lights up or plays music. These are designed to go for one to two minutes so it encourages the brushing for the length of time necessary for real cleaning.

3. Start brushing teeth when the child is very young. As soon as the children begin getting teeth then they are old enough to get their teeth brushed, even if you do it with just a soft brush with no toothpaste in the beginning. It gets the children used to having the toothbrush in their mouth.

4. If you don’t have one of the self-timing toothbrushes, then use a kitchen timer. Set it for two minutes and see who can brush their teeth for the full two minutes.

5. Make it a game. Let them get a certain bedtime story or song (or maybe get TWO stories) if they can brush all their teeth. Get them to count each tooth as they brush it.

6. Get them involved in the brushing process. You can ease the tooth brushing battle by letting your children pick their own toothbrushes and even their own toothpaste. The more control they feel they have then the easier it will be to get them to cooperate.

7. Be consistent in getting the children to brush their teeth. Make it something that happens at the same time every single night. Experts say that if you can repeat an action for 21 days in a row then you will have set a habit.

8. Be watchful of the children when they first begin brushing their teeth on their own. Stay in the room during the process, and make suggestions if they are needed. As they get more consistent with their brushing then start leaving them alone for the whole process.

Instead of fighting your children to get their teeth brushed you can find creative ways to change their grooming habits. As their habits change and they begin to adjust, you will see the tooth brushing battle ease up or just end altogether.

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The Problem: Electronics are overwhelming children. They can watch anything at anytime and for most of the day. Twenty or thirty years ago, you could watch cartoons on Saturday, the television stations went off around midnight and the afternoons were filled with soap operas that no self-respecting kid would ever admit to watching.

The Solution: Limit electronic activities to only one or two hours each day. This would include computer, television and video games. Taking away their electronic toys could force them out of doors. At the very least it will encourage them to pick up a book and read.

The Problem: Food portions continue to get bigger (and so do the children). There was a time when you would go out to eat and get a meal that was just enough. When you go to a restaurant today you will get a meal that is enough for two or three people. That doesn’t even get into the “all you can eat buffet” idea. Kids are being taught to eat and eat and eat and it is beginning to show around their waistlines.

The Solution: Eat at home or, if you must eat out, share portions. Teach the kids that it is okay to leave food on their plates and that stopping when satisfied is perfectly okay. Remind them that it is natural (and desirable) that they get hungry every few hours (to the point that their stomach growls).

The Problem: There are so many activities swarming around the lives of our kids that they don’t have time to rest. School starts early, after school activities run late and then there is homework to be done when they kids finally get home. Kids are getting less and less sleep because of more and more going on.

The Solution: Slow things down. Make sure the kids have a chance to sleep completely (usually between 10 and 12 hours for younger kids up to 10 years old). Either cut out their after school activities or talk to the teachers and school board about the amount of homework they are bringing home every night.

The Problem: Everything comes at a touch of a button for kids today. They don’t even have to get up off the couch to change the channels on the television or answer the telephone. Even the “physical activities” are getting easier for them with inventions like “heelys” making walking a thing of the past for some kids.

The Solution: Get up and get moving as a family. Go out for a real walk together (through the woods where gadgets can’t help) or play a family game of badminton or volleyball. If you can get active as a family then the whole family will be healthier for the effort.

It can be tough keeping yourself healthy in this high-tech, fast-paced, fast-food society. Helping kids choose healthy lifestyles requires some creative thinking and often the consistent use of the word no.

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1. Set aside time to spend with each sibling on a one-to-one basis. Make the special time about that one child. Let him choose the place that you go or the thing that you do. Make the one-on-one time something that does require talking (no movies for this). The idea is to create a bond with the child while giving him the chance to feel like the center of your world.

2. Remind each child that he or she is an individual and gifts and talents are unique to each of us. Focus on her talents and gifts and encourage her to follow those instead of the footsteps of older siblings (or even parents).

3. Spend non-competitive time as a family. Playing games and sports together is great, but there should be some relaxed time as well. Go hang out at the zoo or tour the botanical gardens. Just have some fun that doesn’t require competition (but watch them; siblings have a way of creating competition when you aren’t looking).

4. Avoid using statements that compare one sibling to another. Instead of making a comment like “when your brother was your age” or “if you would just work like your sister does”, you should focus on the positives of the sibling you are talking with. “You are doing so much better this year with your school work.” “You are working so much harder to get your chores done and I can tell a big difference.” Just keep siblings out of the comments altogether.

5. Take the time to support each child in activities and events on an equal basis. If one is more involved than another, then find other ways to support the one who has the least activities.

6. Keep an open dialogue with all siblings. You can better judge the temperature of the water and get a handle on any problems before they can get out of hand.

7. Set the rules BEFORE the children come along. Determine at what age children will be eligible for allowance, sleepovers, and other important events. Set a spending limit for birthdays and holidays (and raise it and allowances by set increments). Having rules in place that are followed for each child will help to reduce the whine of “well HE got to do it before now” or “SHE got more than I did.”

Sibling rivalry seems to be a natural element in any home with more than one child. Although it may not be possible to eliminate the competitive spirit between siblings, it may be possible to reduce the sibling rivalry (particularly when it comes to the relationship with parents).

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1. There is no way to avoid the bullies of the world. They can be found in Sunday school classes, homeschool support groups and school classrooms. Instead of avoiding them you will have to develop ways to live or deal with them.

2. Walk away. Almost every confrontation offers the chance to just get away from the situation. It is not running – it is looking for a more appropriate time and place to deal with it. Most bullies want to be seen by many people; if you can take that away from them then you might be able to deal with the situation with fewer problems.

3. Retaliation leads to escalation. Although the television shows and the movies show that confronting a bully is the only way to win, in truth it could be the one sure way to lose. Especially in today’s society – where escalating violence is the norm – pushing someone who wants to be the “top dog” might cause an escalation in violence towards your child and towards others as well.

4. Talk to the people that are in charge when your child is being bullied. If the teachers won’t listen, then talk to the administration. If the administration won’t listen, then talk to the authorities. Bullies can be an extremely dangerous element for any environment. The people that are in charge need to be aware of the dangers involved.

5. Talk with your children. Open lines of communication make it easier for your children to come to you if there is a problem. Taking time every day to talk about their day, their thoughts and their ideas is likely to make you aware of any problems or potential problems before they can get out of hand.

6. Stay involved. By being around your children at play and at school you can recognize bully situations before they become problems. Make a point to attend birthday parties, ballgames, practices or other group events and activities.

The natural instinct for many parents is to shield their children from bullies or situations where the children might be bullied. The truth is that it is impossible to completely avoid all bullies. It is better to learn how to deal with the situations at the earliest possible age, rather than being shocked by bullies that are more aggressive and more dangerous in the future.

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Ask people that you trust, like friends, neighbors, or those you attend church with, who they use as a sitter. Another option would be to check with your child’s pediatrician or doctor’s office staff to see if they have recommendations. Hearing positive recommendations from others will greatly increase your confidence in choosing someone to watch your children.

Take the time needed to properly interview any potential sitter. Because it’s so hard to know who to trust these days, you will want to ask for references for any potential babysitter. Don’t just take the names and numbers from them; make sure you call each and every person on the list to verify their experience. It may seem like excessive, but your child’s life is in this person’s hands.

First and foremost, the safety of your children should be considered. Therefore, it is important for any babysitter to know basic first aid and cardiac pulmonary resuscitation (CPR). They should also know to call you in case of an emergency, but only after they have contacted any necessary professional help.

If your children are very young, consider getting an older sitter – someone who has obviously had experience with young children. A grandmother-type would be preferable for infants or toddlers. An older teen would be suitable for elementary and older children. Unless you are extremely familiar and comfortable with them, it is not recommended to allow a young teen to baby-sit.

Don’t hesitate to ask the potential sitter to come over and spend some time with your children while you’re home, but busy in another room. This will allow you the opportunity to see how they interact with your children, and possibly alert you to any potential problems.

Think outside of the box. Most people assume that girls are the only ones that can successfully watch children. Nothing could be further from the truth. Boys, or young men, could even be more effective at watching your children, particularly if you have boys.

Children are a precious gift and so we want to do what’s best for them. When we do have to leave them with a sitter, we want to know that we can trust to keep the children safe, but also entertained. Choosing the right babysitter may take some time, but this person will play a very important part in your family’s life. Take your time and choose the best person for all of you.

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